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You Might Have The Wrong Mediatior If…

January 2, 2012

Happy New Year, 2012!

Time to crank up for another new year of my weekly Educational Blog for those who follow my offerings for attorneys on both sides of the aisle of practical tips and simple suggestions about how you can become more successful at mediation.

And, what better way to open a New Year than offering a light viewpoint of  hopefully, not-too-common, mediator traits  to avoid this year as we all get back to “earning a living”.  (And, with my advance apologies to Comedian Jeff  Foxworthy whose comedic style I shamelessly borrow:)

You Might Have The Wrong Mediator If…

…your mediator is the last to arrive for your mediation conference and is late!

…your first conversation with your mediator about your mediation is at your mediation.

…your mediator is dressed for your mediation as if it is “Casual Friday” .

…your best client asks you, “who is THAT?”

…your mediator is more interested in finding a cup of coffee than getting your conference underway, timely.

…your mediator meets you flipping through his/her file., (or, worse…)

…your mediator has no file.

…your mediator asks your name and who you represent.

…your mediator then describes the golf game that he played yesterday with your opponent.

…your mediator repeatedly mispronounces your name (and your client’s).

…your mediator’s very first inquiry is, “What is this all about?”

…your mediator’s next inquiry to you concerns solely the payment of his/her fee.

…your mediator insists upon passing out lunch menus prior to opening your “morning-only”  mediation.

…your mediator doesn’t KNOW it is a “morning-only” mediation.

…your mediator audibly yawns during your opening.

…your mediator asks if anyone wants to caucus with him/her.

…your mediator keeps looking out the window while you are in caucus.

…your mediator laughs out loud when you outline your client’s position on the issues.

…your mediator never asks you, or your client, anything.

…your mediator then states that he/she already knows exactly where and how your dispute must be resolved.

…your mediator ignores your client, totally, (or worse?…)

…your mediator treats your best client like an imbecile.

…your mediator spends all of your caucus time telling your client how they must re-evaluate all of your recommendations.

…your mediator responds to your every request for assistance by instead telling you how successful he/she was “yesterday”.

…your mediator openly scoffs at your every inquiry.

…your mediator complains about the excessive time you are taking in caucus; then proceeds to tell you another ‘war story”.

…your mediator seems more interested in what is for lunch than in resolving your dispute.

…your mediator repeats back your last proposal for confirmation and it isn’t even close!

…your mediator has nothing to offer other than the latest dollar proposal of your opponent.

…your mediator repeatedly then inquires, “And, how does that offer make you feel?” (or worse…)

…your mediator asks after each opposition offer, “What should we do now?”

…you find your mediator repeatedly reading a newspaper in the hall.

…your mediator spends more time with his/her smart phone than with you.

…your mediator is overheard to say to someone on his phone, “I know I am late, but this won’t take much longer, honey”.

…your mediator then announces that he/she is declaring a unilateral  impasse .

and,

…your mediator concludes your failed mediation by then stating, “you could benefit by immediately scheduling another mediation with me.”

(Keep these “Mediator Foxworthy” images vividly in your mind as you mediate this year.  Happy New Year! Dan)

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